We need to pay more attention to how we talk to girls about money

Before the separation, my father had a successful career and was the family’s breadwinner. My mother, on the other hand, didn’t have her own money or the same earning potential and was therefore at a disadvantage in the divorce. She had been completely dependent on my father and now had to figure out how to earn an income so she could manage household finances with two children.

As I watched her struggle through that period, I promised myself that my marital status would not determine my financial status and that I would always have and control my own money. My mom had given up her financial independence thinking that she would be married for years to come, but then my father decided unilaterally that the marriage was over. 

This strong desire to be able to look after myself financially ultimately drove me to pursue a career in finance. This experience brings home to me that our relationship with money is formed early in life and stays with you.

Problematic signals

But I worry that many signals we send to girls and young women about money are problematic and disempowering. These messages start early and persist throughout their lives. On social media, we understandably focus on problematic messaging around body image and issues like cyberbullying, but there are other seemingly benign but harmful messages.

Memes like girl math, used to describe rationalizations by young women to justify indulgent and potentially irresponsible spending, imply that math is different for girls. It suggests that their version is faulty and irrational, and it also creates a narrative that girls aren’t good at actual math and finances. The term retail therapy reinforces the gender stereotype of women spending irresponsibly, and girls have long been fed images and messages to marry rich, suggesting financial stability requires a wealthy husband. 

Just like my mom’s struggles embedded themselves in me, these messages stick in the psyche of young girls and can translate into a lack of confidence in money matters that continues into their adult life. In addition to how it affects their own relationship with money, it also creates a narrative around potential career paths and can steer them away from the fields of STEM (science, technology, engineering, and mathematics), finance, and economics. 

A recent study found that only one in five couples say they participate equally in financial decisions. Of the women who deferred these decisions to their spouses, 82% cited a knowledge gap as a key reason.¹

This is something I often see myself, women handing over control of their finances to their spouses even when they’re earning an equivalent or higher amount. In these cases, I wonder if they have a plan B for the very possible scenarios of divorce or widowhood given the average age of a widow in Canada is 56.² I learned from watching my mom that even if you’re married to someone who provides that financial stability for you, it can change in an instant, and you need to be able to navigate those unexpected events. 

I also understand that every partnership has a division of responsibilities, and some women may prefer to take a back seat in financial decisions for many reasons, including time, lack of interest, and lack of confidence in their knowledge. But it’s important to at least know what’s going on even if you aren’t the lead. Research shows that 90% of women will end up managing their financial assets on their own at some point during their lifetimes.³ This is often due to divorce or their spouse predeceasing them, highly emotional events that leave little time or the capacity to quickly become financially literate. 

Changing the narrative

We need to change the narrative as it relates to girls and young women about money. Just like my attitude toward money was set in my childhood, we should be sure we’re sending the right signals to help them grow into women who are able to control their own financial destinies and career trajectories in any field that may interest them.

This can be as simple as talking openly about finances and making sure to include them in the conversation. Introduce the concepts of saving, credit, and investing. Most kids may not have a burning desire to discuss banking and savings, but normalizing these kinds of talks can help them become at ease with the subject of finance. You can also make this fun through the use of apps, gamification, and other mediums of learning. 

Having pointed discussions about budgeting with children can also be helpful. This can be a good way to explain the difference between needs and wants. Children also observe your actions, so check in on the example that you’re setting. 

This isn’t easy for everyone. Money can be a taboo topic at times, and many parents prefer to shield their children from those discussions, but if we don’t speak intentionally to our children about money, they may end up misguided.

Women now control more wealth than ever and are poised to manage even more as the wealth of the silent generation and baby boomers is transferred to their children.⁴ Additionally, women make up the majority of university graduates and tend to live longer than men. We need to be intentional about how we’re engaging girls and young women to make sure they’re equipped with the knowledge and confidence to take charge of their financial futures and effectively handle unexpected situations.

One thing I know for certain is that life never goes according to plan, and you need to be prepared. 

1 https://www.ubs.com/global/en/media/display-page-ndp/en-20210506-own-your-worth.html  2 https://www.advocis.ca/suddenly-widowed/  3 https://www.ipcc.ca/women-and-wealth  4 IF_2019-03xx.indd